Last night, Bill Maher delivered a strong defense of the Obama presidency and all its accomplishments, chided cowardly Democrats for running away from it, and urging everyone to GO VOTE!
And finally, New Rule: Democrats have to wake up and realize that voting is the one thing that scares Republicans, which is why Republicans try to make it so hard. But not impossible. Of course it's sleazy, racist, and anti-democratic to pass voter ID laws. But the fact that they're making it harder to vote — let that inspire you! You're an underdog! You're Brad Pitt in a tank!
And is it really that hard to get a stupid ID card? And no, I'm not talking about the 100-year-old lady whose birth certificate was lost in the Triangle Shirtwaist fire, I'm talking to people out there who won't stand in line for an hour to vote, but who'll camp out in front of Best Buy on Thanksgiving night to buy a TV three inches bigger than the one they already have! (audience cheering and applause)
OK, so this is it, folks. The midterms are here in four days, and Democrats are in big trouble. Despite the fact that the only idea the Republicans have this election is, "Don't let anybody get you started on rape". But it didn't have to be this way, if Democratic candidates would just stop throwing their own people and achievements under the bus, and distancing themselves from their own president! That is never a winning strategy. Just ask President Al Gore. (audience murmurs turn to applause)
Clay Aiken, who's running in Congress in North Carolina, recently said about the President, "I have nothing to do with him, and I can find several areas where I disagree." OK, but come Wednesday, Obama will still have a job, whereas I don't know what Clay will be doing. Although I assume it involves a cruise ship and a cover of "Copacabana". (audience laughter)
Well, sorry, but the one I feel bad for is Obama.
- 63 straight months of economic expansion.
- A depression averted.
- A deficit reduced by two thirds.
- A healthcare law that's working and lowering costs.
- Two women on the Supreme Court.
- bin Laden's dead.
- Stock market at record heights.
- An unemployment rate that dropped from 10.2 to 5.9%. If you're a Fox News viewer trying to do the math, that's less. (audience laughter and applause)
- Gas prices are down.
Is it really that hard a record to get behind? And yet, the way these Democrats have been distancing themselves from the President, you would think he'd just flown in from Liberia with his lunch in a barf bag. (audeince laughter) There are beheading videos with more likes. (audeince oohs)
The Democrats have three Senate candidates who won't even admit to having voted for Obama!
Kentucky's Alison Grimes was an Obama delegate! How do you explain that? "Uh, hey, that's why they call it a convention. I was drunk." It's like if someone asked, "Do you have sex with your husband?" And you replied, "I'd rather not say. But I will say that when my husband does want to have sex, I often disagree." (audience laughter and applause)
I mean, come on! Come on, Democrats, you gave people health care, not herpes! Own it! Instead of chasing polls, move them. And speaking of chasing polls, one more thing about Clay Aiken. (audience laughter) Clay was asked if he'd like the President of the United States to come campaign for him, and he said, "I don't need that. We're doing well."
No you're not! You're gay in North Carolina. (audience laughter) Have you looked around? Half the state is redneck — which is a huge improvement! It used to be all redneck! That's the good news, that now, there actually is in North Carolina a liberal base that you could have energized. Instead of this pipe dream of trying to make the Duck Dynasty types vote for a guy who's had his eyebrows done. (audience applause)
Democrats are always doing this. And that's why they're just like Clay on American Idol — happy to come in second.
To me, this sums it all up. On gay marriage, Clay Aiken said, "It's not an issue that's really on the radar here. It's not something that affects people's daily lives." Well, it affects some of them, like, I dunno... YOU? And this is why Clay Aiken is definitely going to lose. He's having trouble getting the Clay Aiken vote.