Based on recent developments, the Progressive Blogasphere Defense Department has changed the PBAS (Progressive Blogasphere Advisory System) from PROTEIN BAR, as it was on the day Senator John McCain was leading in the Rassmussen daily tracking poll, back down to the less critical ARUGULA.

The McCain Campaign, along with the RNC, hot off the heels of their "tire gage" campaign, opened a new line of attack on Democratic presumptive nominee Barack Obama, mocking him openly for Obama's suggestion that the, "Earth is round."

The campaign, which rewards contributers with an accurate FLAT representation of the Earth, as well as a bumper sticker saying "Next You're Going To Tell Us The Earth Revolves Around The Sun, Senator Obama!", will kick off tomorrow, when Senator McCain will sail to the end of the planet and throw Paris Hilton into the abyss.

"When voters see that hottie being devoured by the End Of the World Dragons," RNC Chairman Mike Duncan smiled, "THEN they'll know who is ready to be President on day one!"

This may be a tad rambling and personal. Let me apologize in advance...

Standing on the main stage at a world famous gathering of artists and left-leaners in Nevada on Monday, Barack Obama looked out on a sea of people dressed as ostriches and sexualized vegetables and told them he enjoyed their company much more than that of those who turned out to see John McCain at a supermarket last month.

“As you may know,” he told the thousands gathered, “not long ago, five people stood in the meat aisle to watch my opponent stare down a block of sharp cheddar and a set of sale-item cow testicles. I’ll take the scream of all you people hopped up on narcotics any day!”

Sorry for the short diary, but I just learned that John McCain has surged to an 11 point lead in Gallup's new Minutely Tracking Poll. I don't have time to get into the internals, but just say at 10:53 AM PST on August 4th John McCain is killing Obama amongst farmers, people with allergies and kids in--

Having convinced American's that selling more leases for offshore drilling will solve the energy crisis (even though there are no rigs to do said drilling and the oil companies already HAVE existing contracts that they've not explored and any meager price reductions will be fleeting and not materialize for close to a decade) John McCain is stepping up efforts to make the most of his issue advantage by rolling out a platform that suggest offshore drilling as the solution to EVERY American problem this election cycle.

Faced with obvious skepticism regarding this claim, the McCain camp quickly released the below map, showing the actual location of all his "American Solutions for America Wells"...

From Michael Goldfarb, head of online communications from the McCain camp:

But in their new role as bloggers, the (New York Times') editors seem to have all the intelligence and reason of the average Daily Kos diarist sitting at home in his mother's basement and ranting into the ether between games of dungeons and dragons.

Oh, where to start...

On the heels of their scurrilous charge that Democratic Presidential hopeful Senator Barack Obama demands "MET-RX chocolate roasted-peanut protein bars" while out on the campaign trail, the McCain campaign went FURTHER, uncovering and releasing to the press the nutritional information label from said breakfast embarrassment:

I mean I know a liberal when I see one and HE is SO not a liberal.

Have you seen what he's written on Palestine and on FISA and impeachment?

Talk about a elitist, latte drinking, Prius leasing, concern troll!

I mean I know a liberal when I see one and HE is SO not a liberal.

Have you seen what he's written on Israel and on FISA and on impeachment?

Talk about a dirty hippy, Woodstock worshiping, alpha sprout munching, purity troll!

Just wanted to warn in advance...

Tonight nine little girls will gather at my house for a sleep-over (God help us) to celebrate my daughter's sixth birthday.

They will eat pizza and cake, watch Return to Witch Mountain and then play some version of Ten Little Indians to see how many of them will actually make it through the night.

But while I should be thinking of pillow fights and painted toenails, my mind is, instead, doing math:

Anaheim, California

Faced with countering Barack Obama's hugely successful speech in Germany, Senator John McCain boarded a boat and sailed into a castle filled with foreign citizens in the hope of proving that he too had international appeal.

The speech, which was filled rhetoric touting continued aggression towards poor people living in oppressed countries, further fear mongering, and ongoing policies steeped in arrogance and self-interest was received surprisingly well, with unexpected bouts of clapping, singing and dancing.

they are waving american flags in berlin.

...for the sake of "time".

TO: CBS editing team.
SUBJECT: Jaws

Can we just edit the "shark" out of the movie.

Its a little scary and we were hoping to air a segment with Katie in a bikini called "Beachy! Sexy! Craaaazy! Are your thighs ready for summer?"

I cannot believe these people! I canceled my subscription before, but I am now calling the magazine to get a NEW subscription, so that I can cancel it again later today!

No, no. Better yet... I'm going to buy the entire magazine so that I can go into the office of every staff member wearing a Donald Trump style wig and yell, "You're so totally and everlastingly unemployed!"

Don't know what I'm talking about?

WELL, LOOK AT THIS, SPANKY:

A few thoughts on "good-bye" and "see you next year" and... I guess... the current political climate.

True story:

Washington, July 20th, 2008

Presidential Candidate John McCain held a press conference today to clarify his response to Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki's statement that:

"U.S. presidential candidate Barack Obama talks about 16 months. That would be the right timeframe for a withdrawal... with slight changes."

Initially Senator McCain said, "(al-Maliki's) domestic politics require him to be for us getting out," but that drew fire from some who wondered how the Senator from Arizona could work with the al-Maliki if he couldn't take him at his word.

"With the Iraqi Prime Minister you need to ignore what he actually says, my friends, and listen instead to what WE say he says," The Republican candidate began.